


Can I make you a promise?

by Kipachie



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Boys In Love, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Caleb Widogast Needs a Hug, Essek Thelyss Has a Crush, Essek Thelyss Needs a Hug, Essek Thelyss-centric, First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, If liam won't kiss the damn wizard himself I'll make it happen, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Beta Read, Shadowgast, Yearning, beauregard needs to chill, canon compliant to episode 118, not spoiler free, ya'll asked for it so here you are
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:49:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27949337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kipachie/pseuds/Kipachie
Summary: The Mighty Nein finally made it to the Vurmas outpost to seek help from Essek. They can't stay for long of course with a race against the clock. However, Essek can somehow always find the time to teach his favourite student a trick or two. Despite the friendliness, he still feels he is walking on eggshells with his friends after the incident. So he chooses his words carefully as they speak.Indulgence to secretly utter his feelings to the man he's interested in strikes and he caves. He's known as a selfish man afterall. He'll just say it in undercommon. When he's asked what it means he'll lie. His own little selfish secret. Not like any of them speak undercommon right?Bold text = Spoken in undercommonNotes at the end
Relationships: Essek Thelyss & Caleb Widogast, Essek Thelyss/Caleb Widogast
Comments: 23
Kudos: 241





	Can I make you a promise?

They had said they were coming after all. He should have trusted them. Yet even standing here in the snowy banks of Eislecross surrounded by his greatest friends it still didn’t feel real. They had yet to fully explain why they were here or how even. Passage to this island was difficult to arrange for even himself. He assumed it was as difficult on the Empire side of things. They were the Mighty Nein though he reminded himself. Always pulling off the impossible.

“You have to shift your weight when completing the final somatic component. If you don’t you’ll be on your ass before the spell can even take form.” Essek said, letting his voice carry slightly as he stood back giving Caleb some room. 

It wasn’t a particularly volatile spell. It was however based strongly in the realm of gravity and the distance was a precaution to not to on his ass right beside Caleb if the wizard poured a little too much energy into his first few casts. The intent of the spell was to send out an invisible bubble of magic that would then pull the targets within range of the spell towards the caster. It was more useful for casters like Fjord who was skilled in melee combat and would benefit from being close to his enemies paired with the element of surprise. Caleb was endlessly clever however and a master at unconventional use of the arcane arts. Essek had no doubts he’d make use of it somehow. 

It didn’t truly matter however, what spell Essek taught him. Essek had opened his book and picked the first thing he saw knowing Caleb would be excited regardless what he said. His offer to show Caleb a spell before they continued their journey was a bit selfish though. Essek was still wrestling with getting the approval to join them and it wasn’t looking like the Dusk Captain was going to budge. If this was to be the last he saw of the Nein for what could be months he wanted to make it last. Therefore, as he saw them start talking about when they should leave he asked for one more day. They had asked why and he’d gestured to Caleb as if it was obvious. He had plenty of spells to teach their wizard, surely whatever he had to teach couldn’t hurt as they had no idea what they were about to face.

That was how he’d won a final day from his friends. How he’d won a final day of Caleb’s haphazard smile as sure enough he fell on his ass into the snow the second the magic reached his fingertips.

“I said shift your weight Widogast.” Essek called, aiming for exasperation but even he heard the laugh that escaped with the words.

A snow covered wizard sat up from the snow, shaking his upper body wildly like a dog fresh from the rain. Snow flew off him in a cloud and sparkled in the bright sun like diamond dust. As Caleb stood with a groan, he brushed off his thighs.

“I did shift my weight I just... Uh... Didn’t account for the snow being slippery.” He chuckled with a hand slicking back his snow-wet hair. 

“Snow is known for that, yes.” Essek said with a cheeky grin. “You have the hand motions perfected you just need to remain standing for us to call this a success.”

Laughter drew his eyes away as he watched Jester slam a snowball onto Veth’s head, the force of it knocking her face-first into the small snow-Halfling she’d been building. They had been vague about what was inevitably going to happen at Aeor. He knew it was extremely dangerous and that a friend of theirs had returned from the dead to complete some ritual. Not their friend, he corrected in his mind. Their friend’s body was up and about, the soul inside not the one they knew and loved. It was an odd concept but with his knowledge of consecution, he didn’t think it unrealistic at least. Yet here they all were in the midst of a ruthless snowball fight like they were children again. There was looming dread but it hardly shook them at this moment. All that mattered right now was being with family. He swallowed hard and turned his attention back to Caleb. Could this have all been his if he hadn’t gotten greedy and impatient? Could it still be his? Could Caleb be his...?

He shook the thought from his head immediately. That ship had sailed the moment he’d been discovered with the Assembly. He should have told them on his own terms. Maybe that would allow for proper forgiveness. He hadn’t though. He would have to live with his regrets. He straightened his posture and turned all of his attention to his current student. Caleb was packing the snow around where he stood, trying to gain a little more traction.

“How’s he doing?”

He angled his head slightly to acknowledge Beau stomping through the snow, knees coming up high to wade through the drift he stood behind. 

“Excellent as always. One or two more casts and he’ll have it down to an art.” Essek explained, wincing internally slightly. Was that too much praise? Maybe he should tone it down in front of the Nein.

“Cool.” She muttered and sat on a nearby cluster of rocks to apparently watch. 

With that same solid determination, he admired so much Caleb repositioned himself in the small section of snow he’d stomped down. He shook out his wrists as if Beau would before launching at an enemy and brought them up. Essek held his breath slightly as Caleb spun an arm in a circle in front of him, fingers drawing a glyph as he muttered the incantation. He slid an inch but remained standing. His grin was contagious as Essek matched it subconsciously. Then Caleb clapped and a small layer of snow was pulled into him in a 10ft circle. Essek felt the ever so slight tug at himself towards Caleb when the gravity imploded. He was well out of range and it barely registered but it was there in his chest. It was a feeling similar to those moments you wake up just as you are nodding off. Just a tug. 

Caleb turned to Essek and with that grin still plastered to his face gave a cheeky-thumbs up. Essek laughed and shook his head, allowing himself a moment of indulgence to admire the man.

“You gonna keep staring lover boy.”

Essek felt the heat in his ears immediately. Turning to see Beau, she made a fake gagging motion and hopped off the rock. Shooting Caleb some somewhat awkward finger guns, she left the two wizards in their slight outcropping of rocks.

“Was she being an asshole?” Caleb asked.

“Insufferably so.”

“Odd. She hadn’t shown any signs of resentment towards you before. Perhaps she is tired, or didn’t get enough bacon. We’re good though, ja? Do I need to talk with her?” he asked with genuine concern.

“No! Sorry, no no that will not be necessary. I’m sure it can be smoothed over with a conversation, whatever it may, be that is bothering her. Perhaps I was insensitive about a topic of discussion. That wouldn’t be unlike me.” He lied.

“Ah, perhaps. I’ve unintentionally offended her in the past with my poor choice of words and lack of charisma. You will reach out though if it’s not a situation you can defuse, right mein Freund?”

He smiles politely at Caleb with a slight nod, “Of course, though I hardly think I said anything entirely damning. She would have surely been short with me before now.”

“Fair point.” Caleb agreed and turn back to face Essek directly. “Thank you for that spell again. I can think of a few situations it could be useful.”

Essek waved a dismissive hand, “You are welcome however, the thanks isn’t necessary. You know I enjoy teaching you new spells. You pick it up so quickly it almost makes me feel you simply absorb it right from my book.”

Caleb laughed heartily at that, “Oh I wish it was that easy. Would save me a fair amount of coin on paper and ink to start.”

“Do you have much more on you?”

“Ah, no I do not. However, after we part ways I don’t think I will need some until we’re back in the Empire.”

Essek nodded, pausing for a moment, “Whenever we happen to cross paths Caleb please, let me know of any supplies you may need for your studies and transcribing. I have an almost endless supply at my disposal and I certainly don’t mind topping you up before you are off again.”

“You are too kind Shadowhand. I assure you, I can afford it.”

Essek winced at the use of his title when he had put effort into using Caleb’s first name. “Oh, I have no doubts about that. I simply want to help, however, I can and that is an easy enough way for me to do so. I wish to make up for some of my less desirable actions or attempt to at least. I want to be a... a good friend. A better friend.”

Caleb furrowed his brows when he looked at Essek. He brought a hand to his shoulder, holding onto it firmly but not threatening. It was reassuring. Almost like Caleb was trying to ground his restless mind already starting to spiral out of control.

“Essek you have always been a good friend. I have never doubted our friendship as you never gave me a reason to. It was my trust that took damage. My trust in your morality and your intentions. It is, being repaired, however, so give it time. Your friendship? Mein Freund, that was never up for debate.”

Essek couldn’t meet his eyes. They were always so intensely blue and sharp. Like they could dig right through him and expose him. His eyes fluttered up though to catch a glimpse and read his features. The blue of his eyes was as striking as ever but something new was in them. Something soft. He tentatively reached up with his gloved hand as well, laying it over top of Caleb’s. 

“If my friendship is still as valuable to you that is more than I could have asked for. I will try to be a better man in that case. A man you can trust again, someday.” He said quietly.

Caleb’s smile was genuine and he pulled his hand back with a nod, “I know you will.”

“Hey Cayleb!”

The wizard spun around and Essek sighed towards his back. By the Light maybe this one more day was one too many for his resolve. They could all break his defenses so easily and he was a tired man.

“Yes, Jester what can I do for you?”

“I know it’s still early, but can you put up the tower? We’re all kind of really hungry and it’s supper time anyways, and Essek hasn’t seen it yet!” she tagged that little bit on the end with more enthusiasm as if it would be the selling point. Whatever she wanted Caleb to do he must have suggested to her that he’d want to see it. 

“I can indeed. It lasts for twenty-four hours so much more accommodating than the dome. Just give me a moment.” He turned back to Essek with a playful wink, “I was saving this for later tonight but looks like you get the surprise early. Now just a moment as I find a good spot.”

Essek watched the wizard walk closer to the rock outcropping near them and started laying out components. He watched intently to try to identify the spell but he was thoroughly stumped by the time Caleb had pulled out the stained glass pieces. Jester clapped her gloved hands together and shook his arm.

“Oh, Essek this one is so cool! I thought I was going to faint the first time I saw it. Wait until you see... Wait no no I almost spoiled something. Shutting up!” she said and snapped her jaws back together and bit her bottom lip to keep quiet.

Just a few moments later a rectangle of shimmering light popped into existence in front of Caleb as he stood, collecting the pieces again to put them back in the exact pockets they belonged. He stood back and let Jester run through what was apparently a portal. The others walked up as well, coming up behind him without paying much mind to his presence. One by one, each member of the Nein and their guide were gone. Caleb motioned to the portal with his head and Essek walked forward. Caleb went in as he approached and Essek followed right away, his trust in Caleb unwavering.

To say he was impressed the moment his eyes adjusted would be the largest understatement of his life. He had expected to step into another plane and knew it was likely a spell-like Marvelous Mansion. This, however, was breathtaking. It was modified to suit the Nein in every way, built vertically like a tower rather than laid out like a home. 

“Caleb you never cease to amaze me.” He muttered, not even sure if the wizard heard him.

He must have heard though because his cheeks got a little red and his hands shoved into his coat pockets. “I had quite a bit of fun with this one. The spell was straightforward and quick to pick up. The modifications however have been quite a project. The changes are entirely aesthetic so don’t give me too much credit. All I did was take a master’s creation and give it... uh a new paint job if you will.”

“Stop underselling yourself Widogast. Impressive results deserve impressed reception. Well done.” Essek said, louder and more direct this time.

“Oh.”

Essek looked up to see a shy smile on Caleb’s face and he swore internally in every language he knew. A wizard of his prowess should be able to gracefully accept a compliment but not let it tongue-tie him. He should be so used to compliments and praise given the things he could accomplish in a mere few weeks, or even in a single day. 

“I do not seek to make you any more uncomfortable than you clearly are, but you do know you are the most impressive mage I have personally met correct? When you come to me seeking knowledge, I must admit my ego may get a boost. The fact that I have anything to teach that you deem worthy of knowing is certainly a somewhat selfish reason I am always eager to share. You deserve to hear such praise more often. I will remind myself of that going forward.”

“T-thank you Essek. Truly.” He said quietly, still not meeting his eyes but the smile on his face growing fonder at Essek’s words.

“You are welcome.” Essek said as he walked into the center of the stained glass room, “Now how high does this go exactly?”

“There are nine floors.”

Essek chuckles, giving Caleb a playful side-eye. “I’d expect nothing else.”

“Most of the floors are bedrooms so we don’t need to visit those however, there are plenty of shared rooms I’d be delighted to show you.” His jovial tone was paired with a hand held out in invitation.

With less hesitation than Essek would ever admit he took Caleb’s hand and they began to float up the center of the column. As they explored the common rooms, fey cats weaving between their legs kept distracting Essek. They would appear and disappear into small holes in the walls, carrying what seemed to be plates of food and drinks. Essek shook his head, realizing they were the replacement for the typical humanoid unseen servants the spell typically conjured.

“Will you ever be satisfied with the number of cats in your life Widogast?”

“Absolutely not. You can never have enough cats. Don’t be foolish, Thelyss.” Caleb teased in mock offense.

The tour was short given the number of rooms that were private, which of course Essek understood, as they were personal quarters. What he was shown was increasingly impressive. Their final stop was actually below them as Caleb started descending to a floor with just two large doors.

“Hungry?”

Essek nodded, “I could eat I suppose. What sort of cuisine does a wizard’s tower offer?”

Caleb laughed and opened the door to the dining room, “Whatever you could imagine. There will be pancakes of course. There always is with this family.”

As promised there was a hefty plate of pancakes awaiting them. Taking a seat beside each other at the long bench-style table Essek kept to himself mostly as he watched the rest of the group interact. He noted their guide was absent, likely retired for the day. That was a slight relief. Now if anyone in the group let something of his treason slip Dagen wouldn’t be a problem. However, there was now no reason for them to hold their tongues. He sighed and tasted his first pancake once he noticed Jester still staring at him to hear his verdict. It was good but like with all things Jester far too sweet. He nodded though and she seemed pleased enough to turn back to Veth.

“Here, I know you aren’t known for your sweet tooth.” Caleb says in a low tone and offers him a plate of cookies to pick from. “These are from where I grew up. An old recipe passed down through the generation’s sort of recipe. They aren’t too sweet. They are more, spicy? No, no that’s not quite, what I want. They are made with many spices with more intense flavors so they have a...” he gestures with his hand as if he’s brushing crumbs off the table, “they have a kick. Still sweet like a dessert but far less so than uh, pancakes.”

Essek takes one between his fingers and gives it the required sniff test. It certainly smelled fragrant and less sickly sweet so he took a tentative bite. The flavor was more intense than he was used to but Caleb was correct it wasn’t sweet per se. It had a kick.

“This is quite unique. It’s good actually, once I get use to the flavors. Drow food is bland, as you have experienced. What is it called?” he asked as he took a more confident bite.

“It’s called _Lebkuchen_. Often a winter treat so I’ve been finding myself craving them after every long day in the cold.” He explained.

Caleb looked so pleased in this moment as he described what was clearly a sentimental dish. Essek wasn’t sure if the pleased tone came from someone indulging him by listening to fond memories or the fact that his friend actually enjoyed them.

“My mother made them every winter, usually before we had our holiday meal. I tried my best to get the recipe exactly as I remember.”

“With your memory Widogast I trust they are perfect.”

As he finished the cookie and turned to listen to the ongoing conversation between Beau, Fjord, and Veth. He wasn’t sure if this was what could be called eavesdropping as they were all at the same table. Regardless he tried not to make it obvious. It seemed they were discussing more theories regarding these “Eyes of Nine”. Essek hardly knew what to make of it all honestly. It all seemed very end-of-days which seemed so wildly impossible. Ancient, forgotten magic was not something to be trifled with. Especially by people with poor intentions. He huffed to himself slightly. He’d know better than anyone would after all.

His brief moment of a reprise ended quickly as Jester and Veth started agreeing with each other wildly and smacking the table in Caleb’s direction.

“Cay! Remember when you made the room look like Hupperdook?? Can you do that again but with a different place?” Veth asked.

“Ja, of course. As long as I have been in the room requested I can make it.” He says, leaning forward intently to his friend. “What would you two like it to be? I almost afraid to ask.”

“Nooo we actually have a really cute idea. Since we did Hupperdook I thought we could do different places we’ve been every night! Like the Chateau, the mess hall on the Ball Eater. But tonight!” she yells with her finger pointed in the air, “Can we make it look like Trostenwald. You know, the one that you were really stinky in.”

Caleb’s smile gets the biggest Essek has seen all day and he straightens to start doing the somatic motions for Major Image. The space around them started to shimmer and other objects came into view. What Essek looked at now was a rustic old tavern. Simple and bare in design with materials common in Empire village inns. He looked around at the colorful table of adventurers and was impressed, to say the least. That folks who had their beginnings in a humble barn like this had come all this way. That they were his friends. Caleb settled back into his seat comfortably and poured himself some wine as everyone started talking over each other again. He used so much magic to just make people happy. So many treated their skills as something to only expend when needed or to bring themselves personal comfort. Caleb expended a fair amount of his daily energy on just these two things and if Essek asked he’d cast anything he requested. 

He was slightly oblivious of his surrounding and a bit too focused on Caleb for the moment. He muttered a few indulgent words certain he’d simply be asked what that meant. He’d lie to him, as he always did. He was selfish.

**“You are far too easy to love, Widogast. My Lionheart.”** He said in undercommon.

**“What the FUCK did you just say?”**

He snapped back to the moment and was suddenly hyper-aware of the immediate silence. His head snapped to Beau who had replied to him in undercommon as well, staring at him wide-eyed in shock. She couldn’t have understood him. She didn’t speak undercommon, had she always spoke undercommon?

**“How long have you known this language?”** he breathed, suddenly very near a panic.

“You’re fucking with me, right? Answer me, in common. No more secrets”

“Beauregard I deserve some semblance of privacy. There is a difference between things I wish to keep personal and things that are secrets.” Essek snapped, slightly alarmed she was so aggressive about the subject. He’d give anything for her to drop it.

“What are you talking about Beau? What did he say when he muttered?” Caleb asked as everyone else shifted in as well trying to figure out what was happening.

“Beauregard.” He hissed.

“How long have you loved him?”

Dead silence greeted him and he felt the blood pounding in his ears. The tavern illusion dropped immediately. Everything was going to go wrong.

“Is that what he said?” Jester asked. “I knew it! I’ve been telling you guys for months.”

Caleb leaned in further, holding his hand out as to silence them, “Maybe we could have a minute? This is hardly something to get into at dinner. Essek, would you?”

“No, let him say it her-.” Beau started.

“Caleb is indeed right we do not need to be a part of this conversation I don’t think.” Caduceus spoke up. “Let’s wait for them in the spa, have some tea.”

Essek stares at the table focused far too intently on the wood grain of each plank. His eyes trace the patterns in an attempt to distract him from his racing thoughts. It would likely tear him apart to teleport back to Rhosana but he was mere moments from running out of this tower and attempting such a thing.

“Caleb I swear...” he began with much hesitation.

“Please let, let me speak first. Please.” Caleb interrupted. He had stood up when everyone was leaving to close the door firmly behind them. Essek submitted and gestured his hand for Caleb to continue but didn’t look at him. He did raise his head and stare ahead.

“You don’t need to talk about this. You can drop it and we can pretend it didn’t happen.” He said.

Essek’s jaw locked up and he almost let out a noise of distress. This was exactly as he feared. He was so content just pushing down his intimate feelings for Caleb in favor of maintaining their shaky friendship. He was going to lose him. After everything he’s done to change, his own damn feelings were going to ruin it all. His only friends.

“Essek?”

“I’ll be going. I’m sorry. Our friendship was everything to me but I know this only soils it.” Essek said standing quickly.

“What, nein. Essek no it doesn’t.” Caleb said with clear confusion in his voice. “Why would you caring for me harm a friendship?”

Essek dared a look. His head rose in an attempt at his usual powerful poise. Caleb’s cheeks were still a little pink from clearly blushing at the situation as it unfolded. His eyes burrowed into Essek and caught in his throat. He fought against it to speak but it came out a strained whisper.

“I can’t lose you like last time. Not again.”

“Gods. Essek you never did. I’m here. As long as you stay on a better path I will remain here.”

“We’ll pretend it didn’t happen, as you said.” He explained as he moved to walk past Caleb.

“Nein! That’s not what I meant.” Caleb reached out for his arm, holding firmly. Essek stopped. He could have easily kept walking and slipped from Caleb’s hold, it wasn’t strong. He stopped because he’d been secretly begging Caleb to ask him to stay. If only a few minutes more.

“What I meant was that was out of line for Beauregard. You DO deserve a modicum of privacy on personal matters such as this. To have your heart laid out at the dinner table before all your friends without so much as a warning. That’s not fair. We can drop the subject if you wish. You deserve the ability to tell me on your own terms, or never. That should have been your decision.”

He turned fully to face Caleb with a small smile. Always rational this foolish man. Always working his words as naturally as magic flowed from his fingers. It was respectable. Essek could spin tales and talk his way around anyone in this world. Anyone except Caleb.

“I, greatly appreciate that.” Essek began. “It’s already out there however. If I don’t finish this conversation now it will occupy every ounce silence I face. As of late, there has been quite a bit of silence. I’d like my mind to be filled with better things than the anticipation of a conversation we must have.”

Caleb gestured down to the seats and Essek all but fell into place, his shoulders tense and his hands tightly laced together. Caleb sits beside him, facing him as much as he can on a bench.

“Caleb I admire you quite a bit. You’ve impressed me from the moment I asked you to show me. It should be no shock that, perhaps, some more intimate feelings developed. I pushed them away quickly in Nicodranas and there they were meant to stay until they dissipated. I never intended to act on them. I hurt you as a friend. I’d hurt you as a lo- uh, something more.”

“Do you love me Essek?” Caleb asked softly.

“Immensely.”

“H-how long?”

Essek shrugged with a nervous laugh. “I’m not sure. There wasn’t a moment. It was gradual. At least since the dinner though feelings were growing sooner than that. I made a fool of myself honestly. All I wanted was to keep you all close, and have you trust me enough that I’d be let in on sensitive details. As my job demanded. I do not know where the line blurred and my flirting became genuine but I was already far too in love with you to do much about it. I’m sorry.”

Caleb was quiet for longer than Essek was comfortable with and he looked up. Caleb’s brow was furrowed deeply as he picked at his nails. He looked up at that moment as well and Essek could only hold those sapphire eyes for a few seconds.

“Essek I feel for you as well. Deeply. Had there just been friendship I don’t think I would have reacted the way I did on the ship.” Caleb muttered.

Essek’s head shot up. “Feel for me...”

“It took me almost eight months to trust the Nein completely. Three months to trust Nott when we first met and I was thrown by how fast that friendship moved. It took so long for me to slide fully into place in this family and not have a foot out the door in case things got dicey. You?” he huffed out a laugh, “You were too easy to be with. I could just slide into place with you as if we’d always been doing this. It was too good to be true.”

His hand reached out to untangle one of Essek’s hands. He hadn’t noticed he was clenching so tightly his fingers began to ache and there were small indents from his nails on his palms. 

“It’s not as easy to do that anymore.” He continued.

Caleb’s words stung even though they were true. How could you comfortably settle beside a friend you had to watch your back with? They could never take his words at face value again. Everything he said was searched for a hidden meaning or ill intent. What kind of man was that?

“Whatever you are thinking, stop. I know that face. I make it far too often myself and Beau is quick to point it out.” Caleb said in a soft tone.

“I’m an open book for you aren’t I Widogast?”

“Quite the opposite you are sometimes impossible to read. I understand that though. You’ve had to be closed off and unexpressive. For over a century. I am a man that seeks results but hardly one that expects miracles. It will take far more than a few months and a firm talking to on a ship to break a hundred-year-old skill that has likely saved your life on many occasions.”

“Your patience is greatly appreciated. Truly. If you remain my friend for the rest of your days, I am content with that. It will be enough.” Essek explained with a weak smile at Caleb.

Caleb squeezed his hand sighed deeply. Not audibly but his chest swelled greatly before he exhaled. Essek’s breath hitched when Caleb’s hand reached out to brush his cheek with the back of two fingers.

“The true problem here is that might not be enough for me.”

Essek shook his head slowly with a weak laugh. “You can’t trust me.”

“I can. Maybe I shouldn’t, I could think myself in circles over that for decades. However, I CAN trust you. That’s a choice I can make.”

“Why put such faith in a damned man Caleb.”

“Like looking in a mirror.” He repeated from that night on the ship, “I can’t believe I am a good man until I believe you are as well _Schätzchen_. While I can’t say now is the best time for... us... it’s not removed from the table.”

“Don’t toy with me on this.”

“That would be far too cruel Essek I would never. I’m a fool, not a monster. I don’t think I can drop the word love just yet and I hope you forgive me for that. I can quite confidently say that you mean a lot to me Essek. Not as a friend but as the potential for more.”

Essek brought Caleb’s bruised and scarred knuckles to his face, kissing them with a feather-light touch. In the silence, he heard Caleb swallow hard at the contact. “I will earn you, I promise. I will not give you a man to settle for.”

The smile on Caleb’s face set his chest on fire. He knew he must be blushing though he hoped with his dark purple skin tone it would be concealed. He did not envy Caleb’s fair skin for that. The man wore his emotions in the pink of his cheeks. 

“Can I make you a promise as well?”

Essek nodded, “Of course, if you wish. It’s not necessary, however. Our days of counting favors and dealing exchanges are over.”

Caleb leaned forward slightly, bracing his hand on the table. He cupped Essek’s cheek as the drow felt like he was going to implode. Caleb had the audacity to smirk at his mild panicked expression he wasn’t trying to hide.

“May I?” Caleb asked in a whisper, right in front of his face.

Essek didn’t answer. Not with words. He closed the distance himself and Caleb leaned back a bit. Not to get away but because Essek moved forward with such force he needed to readjust. Two hands held Essek’s face now as the kiss deepened far more than he had expected but hardly had it in him to complain about it. Caleb still tasted like those spiced cookies and Essek placed a hand on Caleb’s knee for support as he was pulled forward with a sound of surprise.

Their lips parted with them both grinning like fools, but they stayed with noses brushing against each other and eyes closed. Essek never wanted to leave this moment.

“I’m holding you to that promise Widogast.” Essek joked. “And I’ll hold me to my own. I’m a selfish man, that will never change. It’s fortunate however that you are what I desire most and I’ll live the life of whatever man you need me to be. I promise.”

He sat up, laying his hand on Caleb’s as it lowered from his face. “I do need to be on my way, however. To catch the boat back to Vurmas and also because I do not want to face your family right now.” He ended in nervous laughter.

Caleb stood up and offered his hand, Essek taking it gladly. “I understand. They already showed they intend to overstep all boundaries so I don’t blame you. I’ll make sure you leave with minimal harassment.”

“Hard to be angry at Beau when her breach of privacy led to this.” Essek joked.

“She still needs to learn the gift of subtly.”

“You have more impossible expectations for her than you do for me.”

Caleb laughed. Laughed. Beautifully. Essek was still shaking slightly from adrenaline, his heart pounding in his chest and a little sweat on the back of his neck from nerves. This was good though. This was hope. This was a promise he intended to keep, sealed with a kiss. Like some sort of pathetic romance novel. He could live with pathetic he decided.

“When things settle a bit more and we are done here I’ll steer the Nein back to Rhosana. If we can. I honestly don’t know what the plan is for tomorrow let alone what the plan is if we get off this ice shelf.” Caleb admitted.

“When... when you get off this ice shelf.” Essek corrected. “Don’t be sour again so soon.”

“Says the man who frowned through most of my confession of love.”

“Do I dare point out you just dropped that ever terrifying “L” word?”

Caleb opened his mouth before slowly closing it, eyes a little wide as he huffed a single laugh. “ _Scheisse_ I suppose I did, didn’t I?” 

“I tease. I will spend the rest of my stay in Vurmas thoroughly overthinking about it, however.” Essek said as Caleb led him to the large double doors.

“You? Overthink? Not a flaw I’ve ever seen in you, Shadowhand.”

“Oh? What flaws have you seen?”

The switch to a title this time was playful, an attempt to get him to play the game that started all this mess. A play of words with eye contact that was far too intense and long to be shared between acquaintances. Essek wasn’t a man known to take the bait but Caleb was starting a game he couldn’t win. So a Caleb reached for the door handle Essek leaned forward so his breath would surely touch the ginger’s ear. 

“Humor me with an answer, Widogast.”

Caleb’s grip on the door handle tightened until his knuckles were white as he shuddered slightly. He stood up straight, however, his back nearly flush with Essek’s own body. He turned his head to look behind him slightly with a laugh. 

“Well I mean, treason’s up there.”

It caught him so off guard and was said with such casual disinterest that Essek snorted a laugh out. His hand covered his mouth in a flash as his shoulders shook with the last waves of laughter he tried to swallow. Caleb heard it and laughed himself, turning to kiss Essek on the forehead again, where it had started. 

“I promise we’ll explore this as soon as we can. I’ve chosen to trust you again. Heartbreak terrifies me but I’ll risk it one more time like the fool I am. For you.” The wizard whispered. “Now, should I toss you out of here to sell the idea that we aren’t perhaps fond for each other?”

“That would please Beauregard far too much and I have no desire of giving her the satisfaction.” He said matter of factly as they walked into the open space of the kitchen floor. There was, surprisingly, no other members of the Nein to be seen. 

Essek walked with Caleb to the center of the platform to begin his descend down. Looking up he caught the brief flash of what seemed like five heads pull back from view one floor up. Floating gently to the bottom and following Caleb he felt his mind had actually gone quiet. He’d expected his thoughts to be racing. Always trying to be one step ahead in every situation. Now however he just felt warm, a small smile threatening to never leave his face if it stayed for much longer. Walking with Caleb through a tower that was so perfectly Caleb. Cats making their way up their little paths to duck into holes in the wall.

“Do you want me to walk you back to your boat?” Caleb asked.

“No, no that won’t be necessary. It should still be light and I’ll just-” and Essek made little walking motions with his fingers, “float along the snow. Won’t take me any time at all.”

“If you’re sure.” Caleb agreed reluctantly. He looked behind them for a moment before turning back to Essek with a quick kiss. “We’ll see each other soon, ja?”

“As soon as possible.” Essek agreed.

Behind them Essek swore he saw a little flash of blue over Caleb’s shoulder. Sure enough, a little blue cat popped into one of the holes. Strange, it must have a deligated job. Caleb cocked an eyebrow and looked where his gaze was going and Essek waved his hand.

“Sorry, your cats are fascinating and got my attention.”

“I don’t know whether I should be offended or extremely pleased you find cats more interesting than me kissing you.” 

“Nothing is more interesting than you Widogast, I assure you.” He moved towards the door reluctantly and tossed a look back where Caleb stood.

His hands were in the pockets of his well-worn trousers and his loose tunic slightly untucked. His auburn hair had slightly fallen from his ponytail leaving strands falling down around his face. Bright blue eyes and a lopsided smirk. Gods he was something out of a book.

“You are far too easy to love. That was what I said in undercommon before, that Beau apparently understands.”

“You’re pretty easy to love yourself. Have your assistant from before message one of us to let us know you didn’t capsize at sea on your way there.” Caleb said with a nod.

“Of course. I- uh... Goodbye, I suppose.” 

Essek muttered the final part and turned to the door to make his way back to Vurmas. He knew later the dread of knowing, or rather the not-knowing, what the Nein were headed into would eat away at him. For now, he clung to a promise from a foolish wizard that someday they would be something more. Caleb was finally a part of his plan.

**Author's Note:**

> So I haven't written a fic in like 8 years. But an idea broke out on a Twitter post I made so here we are.  
> I am not a 'writer' so please, ignore my constant use of passive voice and switching of tenses at random points. I also have not put anything on here ever so if something is off like formatting or etiquette please let me know! I'm here to learn ^^
> 
> Bold dialogue is spoken in undercommon  
> Twitter: Kipachie_


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